Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
