I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just want to make out with him forever
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
