Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We were destined to go to rehab together
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
