Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
