Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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