Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
