I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
