considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
