if you like me you must not know who I am
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
