so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
