Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
