dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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