he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
