If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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