It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
