Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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