I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
