Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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