So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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