he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
