This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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