Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Buhtt sex?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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