Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
