People in love make me want to vomit
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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