Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

(516): View more from New York

one can only hope.

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(514): View more from Quebec

so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.

(1-514): View more from Quebec

and?

(514): View more from Quebec

luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...

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(713): View more from Texas

You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin

(954): View more from Florida

Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?

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(314): View more from Missouri

I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)

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(226): View more from Ontario

While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??

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