I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
