i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
