She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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