She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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