he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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