so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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