i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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