you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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