I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
