do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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