I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
3pm strippers are depressing
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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