i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can I color on your dick again?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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