the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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