Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
