I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I touched a dick in church today
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