i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
