eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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