All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
