I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
