im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
