Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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