he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
