seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
