Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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