i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
