mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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