you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
