So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
